My Thoughts

Today, a special day. It’s the new day in March 01, 2011. It’s the beginning of the unknown which apart from scarry it’s also exciting but of course, we only wish the good ones
But also, today, i accidently found my old old blog again! How come i forgot that i have this blog that has been keeping all my writing since the year of blogging started in the year of 2005?
Reading them again put a smile on my face. I think this is a sign. THIS IS IT!!

Now Feast Bazzar is on , Bary Vera is on. Middle eastern dessert song is hear. Marakesh, Damaskus, Morocco aaaaah!! One day, i will be there touching, smelling, tasting it all and yes photos.

Write again soon.

Our mind has its own power and none of your other parts can stop it to stop or keep thinking. I have been reading about mind-controlling method and seriously it’s super easy NOT to do. Although, we can slowly adapt the method of praying or meditation to slowly inhale the mind that speaks to us, in good or bad ways (sometimes), and see how it can cope with the revealing what’s good. I dont like to say this but i have said that to many friends, that even while we try to relax or with the intention to be relaxed from a massage, still this mind if wandering around and we so aware that this’s not good! So…perhaps we will keep this battle of the mind a way to " reinvent " our new mind function but yet how to control it. It’s like a master and it’s pet. You need to set the boundaries and still stay happy in it. 

Search and try yourself on yourself  

Last week, i went to a 50th wedding anniversary of a senior friend of my late dad. I went there with my mom. Just the two of us. Both of us have thoughts we will meet some of old friends of my dad,considered this event is a huge one. The party was very grand. Bapak Hasan Basri Durin ( the one who celebrate his "gold wedding anniversary" and invited us), gave a very touching speech and also include about forgiveness from his friends and old collleagues. The beautiful sound and sights of our traditional Minangkabau songs and dances brought me to the memories of home and dad. All the people i met, i saw from distances, and ones whom i shakes hand too that night, remind me of my belated dad. He was remembered as always a warm, funny, chatty and charming personality, always there when someone needs his help, sometimes worry me if he had to go to a dangerous place to save lives, and makes us proud each time he returns with success and making more friends. The day he died, many people didn’t believe it. He was young ( at 57) and pretty much in healthy lifestyle ( sports, non smoking), but then in a rainy gray afternoon, a friend called. It was a silence moment but a thunderbolt inside us. It will never be forgotten, and it’s like a part of him always remind us of his legacy to always be good to other people, always help the ones who’s in need and always respect elders. 

This night has bring back the memories of our dad and i prayed that he will always be in good place in heaven.

Proud to be your daughter.

Il Fil.Bahasa Italia ini artinya apa ya? Bukan. Ini singkatan kok dalam Bahasa Indonesia maksudnya Ilang Filing atau nge-BT-in

Pagi hari ku di akhir bulan Juni ini kusambut dengan rasa optimis dan harapan, dan juga karena akhir minggu cukup menyenangkan dan santai. Aku jalan sendirian ke mall favouriteku, brunch , browsing toko buku, lihat lihat baju dan sepatu lucu walaupun tidak membeli, kemudian nongkrong ama teman di salah satu cafe disana dan disuguhi satu mangkuk besar fruit salad dengan 2 scoop ice cream vanila dan strawberry..really next time, i would prefer vanilla, vanilla and vanilla. Anyway, so those stories of weekend got me through a nice new spirit. Sampai gua baca e-mail yang masuk, dengan suatu kesimpulan tidak bisa digranted karena alasan yang dibuat masuk akal. Pertama membaca, darahku langsung naik ke kepala . Kutarik napas panjang. Sedikit gemetar. Oh mulai kurasakan gejala ANT. Oops, wait up wait up, tolong di pikirkan lagi dan dirasionalkan dan coba berpikir positif. Dan aku akhirnya mencoba menenangkan diri, menelaah kembali dan berbincang dengan salah satu kolega baikku dan dia memberikan aku masukan positif dan aku pada dasarnya sempat Il Fil tetapi yang bisa membantu adalah diri sendiri dalam mengatasi ANT dan saran sobat dekat. So anyway, kita lihat aja. Where will I be in the next 2 months. Yang pasti ( Insyallah God Will), hari Kamis ke Thailand buat short holiday, terus ke Jakarta, dan beberapa minggu kemudian,we will see. Mulai cari ticket murah dari sekarang. Hope so.

Hari gini masih ada orang yang senyum diatas penderitaan orang lain? Wah, banyak banget aku rasa. Tetapi aku bukan salah satu diantara mereka. Aku justru orang yang sering jadi tempat mengadu orang orang yang menderita ini sehingga bisa bisa aku nyaris gila mencari cara untuk bisa membantu. Tetapi, kadang ada kalanya kita begitu sulit untuk berterus terang, karena lagi lagi, budaya kita di Indonesia ini, manusianya paling nggak bisa dikritik. Kalau dikritik, nyerang balik, atau bungkem, atau menunjukkan ekspresi tidak senang, murung seperti ditinggal maling..eh..kekasih, atau malah mencari pembenaran. Ini dia masalahnya. Para pecundang semakin banyak dan semakin tidak bisa dideteksi kepecundangannya. Soalnya mereka datang dalam bentuk yang sangat halus, wajah baik, bahkan dianggap pintar oleh sebagian orang, tetapi karena justru merasa pintar, tetapi ternyata pintar pintar alias bakat maling. Maling harta, maling mental, maling pikiran, maling maling lain yang hanya kita sendiri bisa mendeskripsikannya.

Jika kamu punya orang yang kira kira mirip dengan kriteria pecundang seperti ini, waspadalah. Orang ini tidak segan segan menggunakan segala cara untuk mendapatkan apa yang mereka inginkan, dan bisa membuat orang sepintar apapun jadi percaya ama omongan mereka. Menyamai kerjaan sales tapi plus ekor devil di belakang pantatnya.

 Tapi, pecundang suatu hari akan menerima akibat perbuatan mereka.Yakinlah pada prinsip, jika kamu berbuat baik maka kebaikan akan datang padamu, tapi jika engkau berbuat nista maka nista akan datang padamu.

Waspadalah!

Have i doubt myself about my thoughts on things that worried me? Have I doubt myself if first thought could be wrong? Or, have i doubt myself that i have bring myself into this unknown circle. Whatever it is, i feel unsure right now. I feel unsure about decisions i made, about steps i take, about circle i am into. I guess i have disconnected from the One lately. yes, very lately. And i know this is why. I feel lost, i feel the world is slowly againts me and everything makes me easily unhappy about. But why each questions always answered with " yes i am happy" . But have i been lying about it? I guess, the happiness can be different for each of us. There’s no solid standard for that. There’s no boundaries of what’s happiness and what’s not.It’s a simple feeling that you would have known you felt it or not. Although, our life is full of swings. Things come in good coat or not so good coat, like rollercoaster ride, and sometimes we couldn’t cope, just. And even to talk it to someone we have to pause and forget the idea and try to move on, but i , we, actually carried it on with the next ride and if we don’t try to figure out, it will one day burst like a water balloon. 

I missed my family. I missed my best friends, I missed the sound, the smell, the sights, and i recently received the same expressions from them. I think this must be the way the universe works and i can only pray that God will give me strength, courage, and opportunity to be with them again, and protect them from harm, from troubles.

Its time to say a prayer, in silence. 

I posted this notes on my facebook page. It’s something that came from my thoughts and i thought i just write it and share with my friends. The responds were inspiring for me and i knew that whatever you write and share, your friends will read it and it somehow connects us closer at heart.

Patience /Sabar:

Kesabaran adalah hal sederhana yang untuk banyak kita sulit untuk diterapkan dan diberikan. Banyak sabar tidak bisa membawa hasil apalagi dianiaya batin dan mental (menurut quote seorang teman lama). Tapi memang benar, kesabaran itu membuahkan hasil baik. Sabar adalah ungkapan positif. Sabar adalah ungkapan spiritual yang punya arti menyejukkan dan merelakan. Memang benar, Sabar itu ada batasnya, tetapi selama kesabaran adalah bagian dari sifat nurani kita, maka mudah mudahan kita akan menjadi manusia yang lebih baik. 

Sabar juga berarti perjuangan. Sabar dalam arti perjuangan dalam hal kebenaran, kebaikan, dan menghormati hak orang lain, menghormati keputusan orang lain, menghargai pendapat orang lain, menerima kritikan , dan pada ujungnya sabar adalah memaafkan. Sabar adalah menerima bahwa dalam kehidupan ini, tiap insan berbeda prinsip berbeda cara pandang, berbeda cara pikir, berbeda pilihan hidup, berbeda nilai, berbeda keyakinan, berbeda kesukaan, tetapi dalam perbedaan itulah kesabaran kita dalam menyelaraskan langkah akan teruji dan membawa kita ke dalam keharmonisan kehidupan. 

Saya percaya, kesabaran adalah kunci kebahagiaan. Seperti Ibu saya selalu berkata " Selalulah Sabar dalam Kebahagiaan maupun Kesulitan". Tidak ada dari kita yang sempurna, tetapi sabar adalah kunci kesempurnaan kebahagiaan kita".

Semoga tetap bersabar , dalam suka dan duka.

Salam cinta,

Saya.

Berada di Sepatu Orang Lain / Empathy

Selamat pagi semua.
Pagi ini menjadi pagi yang aku rasakan memberi semangat baru. Semangat ini muncul dari pengalaman selama perjalanan akhir minggu bersama beberapa orang teman dekat dimana kami mengupdate satu sama lain, menceritakan perihal kehidupan sehari hari, berinteraksi dengan orang orang terdekat dan yang berada di lingkungan kita sendiri. 
Begitu banyak emosi yang terlibat dalam pembicaraan itu, mulai dari " saya merasa saya sendiri yang harus memikirkan " atau " saya merasa tidak didengarkan", saya nggak sanggup menghadapi orang yang sepertinya tidak memahami situasi saya" dan banyak lagi. Kami saling mendengarkan, saling bercerita, sambil, menikmati secangkir capucino hangat , sepotong pecan pie dan sepotong brownie. Sederhananya topik ini sangat sering kita alami dan orang lain pasti mengalaminya, dan kesimpulan dari pembicaraan ini adalah "it’s about being on someone else’s shoes" atau istilah psikologi moden " empathy" .Disaat kita mengeluh tentang seseorang atau perilaku seseorang terhadap kita baik langsung ataupun tidak langsung, ada hal yang perlu kita coba lakukan terlebih dahulu sebelum memberikan penilaian yaitu mencoba berada di sepatu orang lain, mencoba ber"empathy" terhadap apa yang orang ini alami, cara pandang mereka, masalah yang mereka mungkin sedang alami, sehingga kita bisa lebih ber pikiran positif. Sulit memang, apalagi kalau orang ini kadang dianggap superior dimana superioritas dianggap lebih benar, lebih mampu, lebih tahu, padahal itu juga belum tentu. Lebih penting dan bermakna kita bagi orang lain, jika kita mampu berada di " sepatu" orang lainnya..dimana kita mencoba mencari tahu apa keadaan orang ini sebenarnya, bagaimana kita bisa mencari solusinya, dan tidak menambah permasalahan dengan menyalahkan dan membenarkan diri kita sendiri.

Kesalahan besar kita adalah menganggap kita selalu benar. Padahal, kita bukanlah manusia sempurna. Tidak ada kesempurnaan yang nyata.Namun, kelemahan kita bisa kita perbaiki dengan mempunyai Empathy terhadap orang lain, orang yang dekat dengan kita secara fisik maupun spirit. Tentunya, kita akan melengkapi kekurangan kita itu menjadi kekayaan hati dan empathy. Itu akan lebih bermakna. 
Sudahkah kita memiliki empathy ini? jawabannya, kembali ke diri kita masing masing.

Salam Empathy,
Saya

I have almost forgotten that this is actually my page, collection of my old blogs, my other blog that i thought will worked and my writing. Wow, a year away and more. How writing can be forgotten and how simple it is to help you ease. 

I recently felt " clogged". Clogged in the way when i have not been reinvent myself, i have not been with myself and listen to myself. It’s true. How many minutes,hours,days,years, go by, that we are so busy with what so called life, when work, social life, family, as part of yourlife, has taken you from you? I felt it and it makes me ill.It’s a sign for me to pull out and go into my cave. It was between feeling bad of not being present for others or feeling bad when you feel that being with others was not what you needed that time. And the only thing to do is to PAUSE. Pause everything, and stay inside. Reinvent, re-order, re-write, re-think, re-fold, unfold, throw, and re-energize. It will take sometime to get back to the normal pace but i will take it slow. I will say NO when i needed to. It’s not because i don’t care for others but to care for others i need to care formyself first. It felt right.

Good morning world and friends, whoever’s reading my blog

as i have said in my previous message, i am going to write again and yes now i am stepping inside my little world of blog, once again, to let my fingers type whatever i have in my mind, whatever i feel and everything that comes to my senses.

i feel blessed. i feel grateful with what i have been given by my creator and i thank you for all the test given, to see how strong and how weak i can be as a human being and yet i stand here, stronger and subtlely embracing it all, with all I am.

i woke up this morning, with the sound of rain pouring from the mother sky and i felt in peace. rain is my sense of peace and i knew exactly everytime it’s coming down to share its drop of peace to this drying earth. I wake up silently, stepping slowly, as part of my meditation, towards this another morning, not just another morning but a new morning and i am still here and alive. I dreamed of my mother and my sister and i said i missed you all. Deep inside my mind, i have missed my family in this so called heaven on earth but yet, i stumbled and remembered that heaven on earth is only heaven on earth and all i am is who i came from, who are my family , those who understand who i am , where i have been and what i apreciate in life. I may be not the perfect daughter or sister but i know you are proud of me of who I am and i hope you will always backing me up.

I take my morning bath, and i look up to see the leaves goes so green and alive from the raindrops. How beautiful. They all seems to dance and sing, to celebrate the collaboration of it all. And how easy we can ignore this beautiful nature around us, by what has distract our mind, more into what is coming towards us each day. We think more about things yet to come, worry too much about things that may not happen, or even already exhausted thinking of what may not effecting us in that manner. So, it’s much worthed for me to just let myself amuse by the beauty of the nature surrounding me even it’s only some leaves from a tree that i dont know its name, but it indulged my eyes and it goes to my heart, it goes to my mouth to smile and again it goes back to my heart, and slowly, i know this is going to be a good day.

Afterwards, i prepared breakfast. I love a good breakfast and that doesnt have to be fancy. I know my body always need good start of fresh fruit such as papaya, pineapple, any fruit available but not too soury because i have tendency to get acidity, so i added yoghurt into the fruit with a little bit of salt. Story about this salt was an advice from a good friend of mine Jehan, who is now a dedicated yogi. I met Jehan during my first student conference in Auckland, 1995, since then we became good friends and though he’s been lost from contact, he suddenly came into contact again! How weird is that. But i am happy for him and i am happy with our friendship, so now he became one of my guru of spiritual advisor, including natural approach towards my stomach acidity problem. " Jossi, put a little bit of salt into the yoghurt, to balance the acid released by the yoghurt so its safe for you to eat them even at breakfast". So, if you have the same problem with me, please try this method.

Another of my morning indulgence is coffee. I dont need black coffee but coffee with milk. Froth will be a bonus ! 

 So, there goes my morning indulgence. Anything can be your own indulgence, as long as you set your mind for it. It is your decision how you want to start your day. However you start it, it definately will effect everything that follows your morning.

(thanks Corbis for this picture)

if its only a feeling.

it doesn’t have to relate with your nightmare…although dreams may possibly relate with my subconcious mind

so, i will need to have self reflection and self assesment again..this weekend, at least before my coming new age

in the mean time, eat more brownies